Church

Felt the need to put this down.......

Church has been a part of my life since before I was born. Growing up I couldn't get enough, wanted to be there every time the doors were open. My parents ministered to thousands of people and "church" was their passion, job, and family for along time. During my teenage years the church family/image that I had grown to love and admire changed. My family experienced a great tragedy and crisis that would forever change our lives, and my opinion of "church". This is not the place to flesh out that story and that is not the reason I wanted to write..... because of my parents ministry I have been exposed to some of the best teaching and church that anyone could ever dream off. I was taught so much about God, music, family, mission work, and life. It felt safe, like home.

After things changed for our family, church never felt the same again. I wasn't sure of my place, what people thought, or how to be at church when your parents are not of staff. Then I went away to a Christian College, where every day was like church camp. I traveled a lot with the music department and never really got plugged into a church. Then graduated college and got married, because of our jobs we worked long hours, lots of Saturdays and traveled to see family. Again I didn't settle and make connections at church the way I had when I was gr owning up. The Church that I had grown up with as a child seemed so distant and some what of a burden as an adult.

Now in 2010 five years after moving to Houston I still do not have a church family. I could give lots of reasons and excuses for why, but none of them are good. That is not to say that I have not been to church or even bible study, but really plugged in and an active member: I have not been. This brings us to my reason for sharing. Last Tuesday night at Beth Moore Bible Study at Houston's First Baptist Church I was convicted like I haven't been in a long time. We are studying David and the lesson was on relationships "Like the man after God's own heart, we were created for community and interpersonal relationships but there are times we find ourselves all alone. We can pattern our own relationships after those of Christ Himself." She was speaking directly to me!!! I needed to hear this word!

Fear is crippling, and has caused me to do many things I am not proud of. I have been afraid of what others would think, shame, embarrassment, starting something new. God is bigger than all of this. He wants me to feel loved, by HIM and the Church. I have to get over my "stuff" and be open to receive His word and LOVE. I am created for relationships. Even though they may fail and hurt us we still need people. I have thought I was fine and had people in my life, but Beth's lesson opened my eyes to so much more.

1. World- I am really good at this
2. Church- I go but am not a member and do not go to the same church regularly
3. Small Group- Beth Moore does not count. Do large a group. Small Groups are scary.
4. Close Female Friends- Mom, sister, bbf that live five hours away don't really count either.
5. God the Father- hard to run and hide from Him

Co-workers and male friends were not discussed in the lesson, so I am a little unclear on somethings. Wish I could ask Beth some questions:
1. Can family count?
2. No christian friends?
3. male friends?
4. coworkers?

Questions aside, I was so convicted. I went to Church and Sunday School at Beth's home church, Houston's First Baptist Church. I was great! I felt comfortable, enjoyed the service, music, teaching, and meet some new people. The Sunday school class went to lunch with an older class and I went. The older couple sitting next to me at lunch are in the choir and they invited me to choir practice on Wednesday. I am going to go, even though this week is going to be so busy and crazy. Making relationships is hard work. I want to have a healthy relationship life and be a happy growing Christan and Church is a part of that. This is the first step. I will keep you posted.